Relationship problems: Sometimes a separation is the better solution
If couples relationship problems, they get from friends and Acquaintances often well-intentioned advice, to help, to kitten the partnership again. But sometimes a separation is for people in an unhappy relationship is the better solution.
Good advice is not often
There is a crisis looming in pairs for quite some time, can listen to the Concerned of friends and Acquaintances often well-intentioned advice such as “Take more time for yourself” or “make a beautiful holiday”. Others suggest to focus on the Strengths of the partnership. However, in some cases it is better to let go and separate. Why a separation is sometimes the better solution, experts explain.
Some relationships should be ended
While there are scientific studies which come to the conclusion that the secret of a happy marriage also lies in the genes, but most of the experts suggest that other factors play a much more important role in the question of whether couples stay together or not.
So it is important to change.
“Imperceptibly, but steadily, things are changing, and after a time hardly anything is as it once was. If you are aiming for a so-called good marriage or partnership, you will not have to invest a lot for it,“ says the website of the practice of Saldern, which is operated by the couple of therapist Nadja von Saldern, together with her husband.
The expert from Berlin, but also knows that it is for couples may be worthwhile to separate.
Nadja von Saldern, who has written a book with the title “Happily separated” and other experts explain in a message, the news Agency dpa, the chances of a separation.
In a separation, there are opportunities
People the end a partnership that can continue to develop, more to take care of yourself and your own life back into focus. You no longer have to argue with each other, and under the conduct of the partner’s suffering.
“Who is adopted from a destructive relationship, can feel after a breakup is often a great relief,” explains von Saldern against the news Agency.
In such partnerships, a lot of Aggression and anger accumulated in the have often. “It is a lie, offended, hurt. It is permanently under power,“ says relationship coach Sandra Hinte from Sinzheim, according to dpa.
And that also leads to adverse health effects. Sleep problems, headaches, back and neck tension can be the result.
Opportunities for new partnership will not install
Couples living in a kind of residential community, side by side, take less damage. Rear are called “crumbs” relationships, because you would get only the crumbs, but not the whole pie.
But: “you have to ask yourself how authentic it is and what needs to be suppressed permanently”, says the expert.
By such ratios, one for screwing up opportunities for other partnerships with more closeness and sexuality.
That there are many older people ask why they have not or at least not much earlier separately, white is also the author Heike Blümner (“closing now”).
Today, you mourn for the wasted life time. Therefore, Blümners conclusion is: “Sometimes you should just go”.
Conversation with the Partner
If the first separation volume of thoughts, can help a kind of diary, in which is entered, when a in the relationship is good or bad.
As in the Agency message is explained in more detail, one should also consider if there’s a dispute about trifles, since this is often a valve, the Anger about other, much larger conflicts to drain.
In addition, you should ask yourself questions about your own Thinking and behaviour patterns, so whether you have made in the relationship is something wrong or how it could be better.
It is also important to look for the conversation with the Partner, in order to have the Chance to develop together – where appropriate with the aid of a coach or therapist.
If that doesn’t help anything and it comes to the separation of these different measures is also a loot advantage. “You can say to yourself that you have tried everything. This reduces or even prevents feelings of guilt,“ says Hinte.
Fear of loneliness
However, it will usually come during and after the separation to negative feelings. The fear of loneliness is probably the most common.
“One of the most powerful Fears that I encounter in my environment, wenn’s to relationship crises, the fear is to be alone, to be afraid and lonely to stay,” says Hinte on their website “Blue Campus”.
In addition, doubts herself often. For both, the following applies: the better the dealing with these feelings is, the faster the newfound independence will make you happy and satisfied.
This is also true for those who leave. To drown even if these Concerned, first of all, the world and the feeling is established, it breaks, you get eventually to the bottom, repel, and come back up, as of Saldern describes the Situation.
“And as a very good human life.” But such a mental completely at renewal needs time: a minimum of a year. But it is also clear that anyone after a break-up for always bad.
Peaceful and reasonable separations are a rarity
“I don’t know anyone who would have said: “It was a huge mistake,””, Blümner in the dpa report. The Handle of a separation strongly depends on how this was accomplished. Peaceful and reasonable separations are according to the professionals, however, rare.
In most cases, one of the two ticks at least, at least temporarily.
Fear of loss will be confused by the Abandoned often with love, which is why the Partner caressed it. But then everything quickly in anger, and threats – for example, is held against the Partner, the children no longer see.
“The Problem is not that the other actually wants to go, often remains clear,” says von Saldern.
Since he is a part and the changing emotional outbursts of your partner also because of its own uncertainty, the matter is always destructive.
Emotional support from friends
Therefore, you should remain in the event of a separation as clear as possible in his statements and objectives.
“You should focus on yourself and not out of the upset. Also, if it’s hard,“ Blümner, according to dpa.
In addition, the expert is recommended to pick good friends as emotional support.
The immediate visit to the lawyer, however, should be avoided. Because if this begins with his work and “the other side” an unpleasant letter, it is very likely the “war of the roses”. (ad)