Dear Coleen
Over the past three years, my husband of 40 years has really started to grate on me.
He’s always been loud and heavily opinionated but, just recently, I’ve noticed that all his views are just things he’s picked up from TV shows – it’s nothing of any substance or particular value.
He’s also got this wretched habit of repeating everything at least three times, and he doesn’t drive and insists I ferry him about all the time.
He’s never abusive, but just incredibly negative.
We’ll be watching television, for example, and he’ll just start moaning that so-and-so is too fat or too thin etc. He’s loud, doesn’t stop talking and is frankly, a huge bore.
Recently, at the bingo, I was introduced to a wonderful man – he’s kind, sweet and considerate, everything my husband isn’t.
Now I think I’m falling for him in a romantic way – we kissed passionately last week and it was exceptional.
I don’t even feel guilty about it!
Do you think I should leave my husband?
Coleen says
I think it’s clear you’re bored in your marriage and feel stuck in a rut, but in 40 years you’re bound to go through times when you’re sick of each other and everything the other person does gets on your nerves.
However, I also think you need to be careful about getting swept up in the romance of this other guy.
If you’re seriously thinking of leaving your husband, then make sure it’s because you don’t want to be with him any more, regardless of who else is on the scene. Don’t do it for this other guy.
It’s a big decision, so it has to be about you and not this man. You could walk away from your 40-year marriage and find out two weeks later that this guy is chatting up other women at bingo.
I think part of the reason you’re drawn to him is that he’s the complete opposite of your husband.
When I split up with my first husband, I went for a relationship that was the polar opposite and that was the attraction – it was just so different.
But, in actual fact, it was too different and only lasted 10 months.
People age differently and these years can be tough on relationships when you suddenly find yourself spending a lot more time together without kids and work to distract you.
It might come down to you having a really serious heart-to-heart with your husband and being honest about how you’re feeling and how you feel the relationship has changed.
At least give him a chance after 40 years, instead of jumping in and saying you’re leaving him for someone you’ve met at bingo.
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