Anyone who has experienced loss knows that grief isn’t a linear journey. Some moments are simply harder than others, and certain events can still dredge up trauma years after the fact. Unfortunately, one callous Redditor has not gotten that moment.
User @BuddyCamp875 took to the infamous /AmITheAsshole Subreddit for some unbiased insight into an ongoing fight with her sister. For context, she (25F) is about to get married to her fiancé (28M). Her sister, also 25, is a widow who lost her husband six years ago, just 10 days after they tied the knot.
“She knew her husband would die soon after their wedding [because] he had late stage cancer (and that was only reason they even got married),” @BuddyCamp875 explained.
Recently, @BuddyCamp875’s sister declined her invitation to attend her wedding. Nuptials are “traumatic” for her, her sis explained, and understandably so — losing your husband to cancer just days after getting married is a capital-T traumatic event. Alas, instead of being patient and empathetic, this bride doubled down and continued to press her sister about coming to her wedding.
“It was 6 years ago, so by all means, she shouldn’t be so traumatized that she’d avoid any and all weddings, including mine,” she wrote. “Honestly, I feel like this trauma thing is just an excuse not to come [because] we’ve always had a rocky relationship, but c’mon now, it’s my wedding. She should put that aside and support me during my biggest day.”
Um, newsflash to @BuddyCamp875 — the “trauma thing” her sister mentioned is real and harrowing, not some “excuse” to skip out on her special day. (How self-centered can you be?!) But the bride has refused to let it go.
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Apparently, one of the sister’s friends called @BuddyCamp875 to chew her out for “harassing” her sister. The whole debacle has led to the sis calling out of work and spiraling into a depressive episode.
“I feel like she’s once again playing the ‘depression card’ so she can get away with her unfair treatment of me,” the bride wrote (and the internal quotation marks around ‘depression card’ are all hers, not mine). “But now, even my fiancé is on her side and wants to leave her alone [because] it’s not worth it to ‘bully’ anyone to come to our wedding (he also suggested me to post this here). AITA?”
According to Redditors in the comments, @BuddyCamp875 is definitely in the wrong here — not to mention being dismissive of her sister’s grief and pain.
“YTA,” one commenter opined. “There’s no time expiration on trauma and grief. She’s being open with you on the reason why she doesn’t want to go and her triggers. You’re just brushing it off as an excuse.”
“Do you actually want your sister at your wedding to celebrate with you, or are you just looking for an excuse to be awful to her?” someone else wrote. “Really, she’s ‘playing the depression card’? Her husband died. Ten days after her own wedding. I get that it happened a few years ago, but she’s allowed to still grieve about it.”
For many Reddit users, @BuddyCamp875’s judgmental use of quotation marks around words like “triggering” and “depression card” was also incredibly telling.
“Just seeing the quotes around the word trauma makes you the AH,” one Redditor wrote. “Let it go.”
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