Personal Health

You Can't Just Ask a Gay Man if He's a Top or Bottom

Australian singer Troye Sivan has just criticized a journalist who asked a series of increasingly inappropriate questions about his sex life during a magazine interview. The spread caught Twitter’s attention when it was shared by a user who questioned the writer’s line of questioning, which included asking Sivan whether he is a top or a bottom.

Sivan, who is openly gay, then shared the article, saying: “I thought about asking the interviewer about his absolute fave sex position after that last question, but then i remembered how wildly invasive, strange and innapropriate that would be. Didn’t stop him though!”

I thought about asking the interviewer about his absolute fave sex position after that last question, but then i remembered how wildly invasive, strange and innapropriate that would be. Didn’t stop him though! https://t.co/mo80DziQrH

The magazine in question is actually one geared towards LGBTQ+ readers, which makes the deeply personal questioning seem even odder. Judging from the earlier questions, the interviewer appears to have been attempting to engender a kind of forced familiarity with Sivan… and he failed miserably. The fact remains that a gay pop star can release a single which is rumored to be about bottoming, and still not owe the LGBTQ+ community or wider public any information whatsoever about what he likes to do in bed.

The only person who needs to know about a gay or bisexual man’s preferred positions is the one he intends to have sex with. That is a conversation predicated on necessity; you have to know you’re going to be sexually compatible with your date or hookup. And sure, like anyone else, a gay man might talk about sex with his friends. Some may prefer to keep that stuff strictly private. But asking outright is just plain rude.

And when that question comes from a straight person, it feels voyeuristic and othering—as if what queer people do in the bedroom is innately fascinating and worthy of anthropological study, or funny and gross. Take it from a gay man who went to an all boys school and had to field all kinds of graphic interrogation: when asking probing questions about bottoming, you’re the one who will come out of it looking like ass.

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