You only need to watch one episode of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend to recognize what a hilarious, multitalented badass Rachel Bloom is. The show's creator and lead is an acclaimed actress, singer-songwriter, producer, and comedian — and as of today, she can add Allure digital cover star to that ultra-impressive list, too.
As detailed in digital editorial director Kelly Bales's editor's letter, Allure asked Bloom to not only be the subject of our fall cover story, but to write and star in a music video to accompany it, as well. Bales writes, "With this video, we wanted to break down the fourth wall, in a sense, and see what went on inside the mind of Rachel as she posed for the Allure cover." Bloom accepted the challenge, and the result was a brilliant (and catchy) reflection on the processes behind a polished, retouched celebrity portrait.
"As the audience, we usually only see the finished product," explains Bales's letter. "And this product — the glossy cover or the retouched stills — sets up a false standard. We rarely get to know the intimate thoughts going through someone’s mind as they put themselves in front of the camera. After all, Instagram and celebrity in general, makes it look so easy."
In Bloom's masterful music video for Allure, the multihyphenate takes aim at the male gaze — a subject she tackles in her cover interview, as well — and offers a fresh take on orgasms, beauty standards, and wearing makeup for yourself. Don't just take our word for it, though: Tune into the video, and follow along with the full lyrics below.
When I was 17
fashion magazines
told me a lot of things about what to be
Get Angelina's red-carpet tresses
in just three easy steps
Learn these Kegels and you'll cum from just a heavy breeze
But now that I’m on the cover of Allure
Here's some hot tips you maybe haven’t heard before
(Or maybe you’ve heard them before, just pretend you haven’t heard them before, I needed a good rhyme for Allure)
2,3
You’ll never get Angelina's tresses
Angelina couldn’t get those tresses
those tresses were done by experts, and it took three hours
and cost $3,000
Cum however you want to
with spots E, F, or G
but FYI most women can’t cum just vaginally
All orgasms come from the clit
even vaginal ones
(the nerves are based in the clit)
And finally
There’s so much more to say about the male gaze
and the idea of beauty being women's main duty
but I don’t wanna diminish these subjects while I hardly finish
so wear makeup if you want
and clothes if you want
but take it all with a grain of salt
’cause you’re alive in an age post-invention of penicillin
and anesthesia
so you're fine
You can read the full digital cover story here, and check out the accompanying editor's letter.
Credits: Music: Rachel Bloom and Mike Geier. Lyrics: Rachel Bloom. Director: Kelly Bales. Cinematographers: Samuli Haavisto and James Eades. Video Editor: Samuli Haavisto. Hair: Brian Magallones. Makeup: Alex Byrne for Exclusive Artists Management.
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