I’m going to go ahead and assume that the missionary position is one of the oldest sex positions in existence. It’s the classic go-to, suitable for any guy – even McLovin could do it. (“It’s in!”)
So it’s probably fair to say that if you’ve ever had sex, you’ve tried missionary before.
Because it’s so basic, some might claim that it’s boring, but as an outspoken proponent of the classic move, I think guy-on-top definitely has its perks. These include, but are not limited to, amazing eye contact, mouth availability for kissing, and the view – obviously.
With that in mind, there are a few things all dudes think about when they’re on top, making sweet, sweet, extremely basic love to you.
Here we go:
1. “Put your feet up, girl, I got this.”
Whether this lazy sex move (for you) was your idea or not, we’d like to take this opportunity to encourage you to sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.
2. “I can’t come yet!”
Well, technically, we can. If we’re not too drunk, even a butterfly kiss can get us off. But since it’s only been a couple of minutes, and we don’t want to embarrass ourselves, we shouldn’t shoot one off yet. Unfortunately, there’s just something about missionary that makes it super easy to finish. Maybe it’s gravity? Or that fact that your boobs are right in our line of sight? It’s probably both.
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3. “Are you enjoying this?”
It’s something dudes always wonder during sex (unless they’re douchebags) because we want you to have a great time. But in missionary, it can be more difficult to pick up on cues like looks and moans. We’re concentrating on things like thrusting, avoiding premature ejaculation, and ensuring we don’t collapse on top of you. Feel free to send some positive reinforcement in our direction if you’re into it.
4. “Should I kiss you?”
Missionary and cowgirl are kind of the best positions for kissing. And kissing is fun. But too much kissing in the missionary scenario can cause tooth collision and throw us off our thrusting rhythm. It’s like patting your head while rubbing your stomach – way harder than you think.
5. “Wow, this is really cool to look at.”
Every sex position has it’s own special view. That’s especially true with missionary. Maybe it’s us, but we can’t resist the opportunity to take a look down to our P and your V to admire the action. Can’t. Look. Away.
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6. “Should I get some clitoral action up in here, or will that be a disaster?”
We want to do everything we can to ensure you’ll orgasm, too, so getting your clit involved is a definite plus. But it’s a high-risk, high-reward situation. If we try to support our body weight with one hand, there’s a chance we’ll straight-up collapse on top of you. We wouldn’t be mad if you got handsy with yourself at this point.
7. “Is my eye contact strategy starting to get weird?”
We start out trying to seduce your with romantic eye contact, but when things get into a borderline stare-down situation, we start to feel like we’re a lion – and you’re the zebra. Please, snap us out of it.
8. “We should probably switch positions soon.”
I mentioned earlier that this position has its way of making dudes reach the point of no return earlier than anyone would prefer. So we’ve gotta mix it up. Also, it gives us a breather. Chances are that this is the longest we’ve held a plank in a long time.
This article originally appeared on Men’s Health.
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